Should I disappear, rest assured that whereever I go, you are with me. Should I disappear, and I left no forwarding address, don't worry about it for I know where I am going. Should I disappear, don't think for a moment that it was about you.
Should haves have become a regular thought a process as of late. I should have done this. I should have done that. This never should have happened. That never should have happened.
What holds you back? What are all the "if only" but regrets upon looking back? Should I disappear?
You are surrounded by people that pass you by and, as you look into their faces, you only see through them like a glass to see the other side seeing nothing; but yet you do. You are looking dead ahead without turning your head; without connecting with their eyes. You believe that the minute you allow yourself that moment, they will know what you are hiding. Should I disappear?
The people who know you never call. You don't wonder why and yet don't even bother to call them to see how they are doing. You wonder if they even care and the desire to call is even lesser. The ones you know then become as strangers as they forget who you are, how you are and what you like. Should I disappear?
The thought of disappearing continues to show up and, the more it appears, it lingers longer every time. Is it an escape? Is it an avoidance? Is it even rational? In the mind's eye of the person who is processing these thoughts, they believe that it is rational. It's not conventional but to them it is. Everyone defines differently where the line is drawn and to the person thinking of disappearing has lost the location of that boundary. The main focus goes directly to that same thought; to disappear.
The behavior analysis of such shows clearly that the person, you, is reaching that breaking point; a nervous breakdown. It can lead to psychotic behavior. The person becomes withdrawn and depressive. If the person, you, is already an introvert then the damage is harder to detect and studying the behavior becomes more intent. It would take a person thinking out of the box who knows you and is not involved to see the difference.
© Libby Baez, All Rights Reserved
Thru Libby's Eyes, ©
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